i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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