I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
