I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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