I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
