doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
