Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
