This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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