Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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