Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
