U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
