When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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