Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
