using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
