How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
