he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
