the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
