started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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