having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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