Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
