We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
