There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
