I hate your face
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
