3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
