I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
