Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
