i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
