I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well you can't waste a boner
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
