:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
