He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
