Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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