i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
50% drunk capacity currently
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
