I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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