My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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