I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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