just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My vagina just clenched in fear
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
