So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
