Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We're not piercing ourselves today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
