she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we're making bets on your personal life
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
