I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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