its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
