is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
