there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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