i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
