I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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