I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
