Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
