Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
