It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
