yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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