well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
