hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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