You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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