I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
