apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
FUCK WHALES
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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