Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
