Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
