how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
